Imagine a strip club and not being able to go into because they serve alcohol and you and your friends are underage. It sucks, what 18-year-old chubby guy in high school doesn’t want to see titties smothered in his face for a few bucks? We heard a rumor that they got the liquor license revoked because they kept getting stung by the law, we decided to drive by to see if this rumor was true. Shit it was, there was a sign on the door that said,” Next week age 18 & over are allowed” So we were pretty excited, a bunch of 18-year-olds in high school with raging hormones, the feeling was like ride on a bumpy road with a bunch of books in your lap!!!! We came up with a plan all 4 of us would meet at my house after school, I ditched last period so that I can meet my drug dealer and get some weed, I didn’t believe in ever getting schwag, what was the fucking point? It was harsh and buzz never lasted; the good things will happen if you wait for the good drugs was always my philosophy with smoke. I managed to score some OG Kush- a beautiful lemon-pine fuel aroma with very high THC, so I got an ounce because really why wouldn’t you?
We piled into my car, a brownish Ford Escort that I happily named Heidi-IYKYK, and we were very excited in anticipation. Next, we needed music, music always plays such a vital role in my life and feel that a song can make the atmosphere feel exciting or just downward awful, side note I was at a bar once and played Billy Joels Captain Jack using $5 in quarters, back then that was like 20 songs, I sat high as fuck and started to watch the mood change after about the 4th play, people were less happy and didn’t really know why, my friend just looked at me and said “why do you do these things” my answer was very simple…..It was funny to me. Ok back to the story. we needed a playlist to get us going. here is the Playlist
- Buddy- De La Soul
- Posse on Broadway -Sir Mix-a-Lot
- Add It up- Violet Femmes
- You’re the First, The Last, My Everything- Barry White, seriously when your high this is such a great dance song!!!!!
- Jump Around- House of Pain
- Rush- Big Audio Dynamite
We arrived at the strip club, this was it, seeing naked girls and being very high, perfect little Tuesday night in my book. We paid our cover charge; he asked to see some ID’s and congratulated us because we were the first 18-Year-olds. I talked with the doorman and said if we could come and go, I would give him some Kush…He was very happy to oblige my favor. You should try to be generous with your weed; most people need something like that to just help in life. The place was packed, all the seats at the stage were taken by really old guys that seem to look shady, a ton of married men. We sat off stage and just sat and watched. It wasn’t what we expected at all. I think we were hoping it would be like the Motley Crue video of Girls, Girls, Girls, but it wasn’t? I was hoping for awesome dancing, bubbles, strobe lights, fun music…. nothing like that at all. But that all changed with a girl named Neil. She was the cocktail waitress that was serving NA drinks. I remember first seeing her, it was like that Waynes World screen where Wayne sees Cassadra for the first time. I was utterly taken away by her beauty, she had brown hair with very light streaks of blond, green eyes and was tan but not carrot fake tan, she smelled like fresh green apples and wearing overalls with no shirt on underneath her, she had so much money sticky out of her overalls, and Wild Mountain Honey by Steve Miller was playing, I didn’t even watch who was on stage, all I could do was to watch her walk and talk, and interact with the customers, she finally came over to take our order, I was so nervous which is weird because when I’m stoned I’m the most funny, open hearted person, I also get very horny, never sure why horny, but I roll with it. I said Hey to her, yes that was my ice breaker, and she said Hey back to me, she asked if I was having a good time and I said just enjoying the song and what’s in front of me, she smiled and said that she hopes she can feel like I look when she’s done. When I’m stoned, no hiding it!!! She tugged on my black kangol hat that I was wearing, I was a chubby guy but dressed well and had confidence when I was stoned. She kept coming over to us and talking with us, and I said to her, you don’t have to keep coming up to us, I’ll give you some weed, she laughed and said that we were just down to earth and none of us were hitting on her, she appreciated us for not doing that. We ended the night with her smoking with us and just being sweet. I don’t think she knew how amazingly beautiful she was. Turns out she was going to college for psychology, and this was her part time job. we talked a bit more and just laughed. It’s been well over 30 years since that night, but I’m always amazed that when I hear Wild Mountain Honey, I think of Neil — the girl who walked into a dingy Tuesday night and accidentally turned it into a legend.
Funk & The Flipside 